Category Archives: The Family
The Integrity Wheel
We should all seek wholeness and emotional health through the proper channels of course. For some of us, the process to become “whole” and “healthy” is discovered through spirituality, counseling or other areas dealing with the inner self, which brings about personal healing, growth and maturity within. In other words, you and I should strive to become a better version of self where all of our parts (spirit, soul and body) function at greater levels of personal performance. I choose the “circle” to exhibit this model since a circle is symbolic of something that is perfect and whole.
The Integrity Wheel is an idea or concept I developed a few years ago to assess one’s personal integrity in four areas, where you and I live and function on a daily basis:
1. Our Private Life
2. Our Personal Life
3. Our Professional Life
4. Our Public Persona
Each level has at least three areas to probe and evaluate (Go to link: Integrity Wheel). For instance, your personal life consists of many things. In my opinion, the most important areas is your marriage and family life, the way you view and practice financial planning, and your transparency (truthfulness, honesty, and openness) within the relationships that are most important in life.
Assessment Questions:
1. Private Life
a). What is your source of truth? Bible, Pagan Philosophy, other texts. Is your truth dynamic or static?
b). Is character important to you? If so, how do you go about cultivating character? Do you have mentors, who you allow to speak into your life? Are you constantly seeking self-improvement or just live day by day?
c). When searching the web, have you ever put your browser on “private settings” to view sexually illicit material? Is keeping your thoughts pure and unsullied important to you? What do you with a lustful thought?
2. Personal Life
a). How healthy is your marriage? Communication, Intimacy, Resolving Conflict, Openness, etc.
b). Is spending time with your children a priority? Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Annual Vacations. The common cliche’ is “Love is spelled T.I.M.E.?” This infers that time spent with your kids is loving them. I differ, you can spend time with your kids and have a true connection with them. How do you spell LOVE?
c). How do you view debt, and financial planning? What’s your view of wealth?
3. Professional Life
a). How close are you with other employees, direct reports, even your supervisor at work? Are you relationships improving? Do you avoid opportunities to grow in your relationships?
b). Is speaking out for just causes and doing things right important to you at work? Do you cut corners to get work accomplished?
c). Is there a secret relationship developing in your life at work (emotional affair, flirtatious relationshp, etc.) Does your wife know about the “opposite sex” relationships in your workplace?
4. Public Persona
a). How involved are you with your community; neighbors, civic organizations, etc.? What do these people say about you behind your back?
b). Reputation: How do you build one? How important is having one out in public life?
c). What’s your involvement in your “house of worship”? Would people in this setting vouch for your reputation?
Take a few moments to reassess your integrity. The quality of your life just may depend on this assessment.
___________
The Integrity Wheel, all rights reserved (c)2008 by Joel Garcia, Founder and President of Latino Townhall, Inc.
Are You Having An Emotional Affair?
“A touch creates heat, heat creates a spark, and a spark turns into a fire.”
-Rev. Paul Goulet, Senior Leader ~ International Church of Las Vegas
It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to tell you that you’re having an emotional affair at work. Those who are 
having one should know better yet they continue in their risky behavior, thinking they can get by undetected and unscathed. According to Gail Saltz:
“Emotional cheating (with an “office husband or wife”) steers clear of physical intimacy, but it does involve secrecy, deception, and therefore betrayal. People enmeshed in nonsexual affairs preserve their “deniability,” convincing themselves they don’t have to change anything. That’s where they’re wrong.”[i]
It’s this “deniability” that blinds them, and sooner or later, their clandestine affair is exposed. Emotional affairs are more prevalent in the workplace than you may think. In a study looking at infidelity statistics in the United States, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy revealed 15 percent of wives and 25 percent of husbands engage in sexual relationships outside of marriage. That’s quite alarming by itself, but when emotional affairs are thrown into the equation, the numbers jump by more than 20 percent. In this day and age, it seems no relationship is safe from an affair. Emotional affairs at work tend to make up a large percentage of these numbers, and some research shows over 50 percent of opposite sex, work friendships end up turning into something more. [ii]
I remember sitting in a meeting with a high profile public leader, discussing his embarrassing exposure. The affair started subtly until they were alone and the rest is history. Once exposed it was a BIG disappointment to all involved. An emotional affair starts with a simple wink, then a compliment, an accidental bump in the hallway, and an innuendo here and there. Then all the sudden strong “feelings” take over and an uncontrollable urge and curiosity sets in to experiment further. Boundaries are then tested until it’s too late, you’ve gone over a boundary line. So what actually is an “emotional affair”? An emotional affair is an affair of the heart and mind, where a person sends subtle messages to another conveying a playful purpose yet keeping the relationship secretive in nature. If you want to know you are having an emotional affair at work, take the following assessment:
An Emotional Affair Assessment:
Is it your custom to…
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ask a particular person of the opposite sex out to lunch or coffee?
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purposefully go “out of your way” to talk to someone of the opposite sex each day?
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have closed door meetings with a person of the opposite sex?
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share marital problems or details about your marriage to the opposite sex that your spouse would not want others to know?
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look forward to seeing a particular person of the opposite sex at work each day?
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playfully text or email a particular person of the opposite sex on a regular basis?
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use innuendo language with a person of the opposite sex?
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be consumed in thought about a particular person of the opposite sex during or after work hours?
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inappropriately touch someone of the opposite sex at work by rubbing up against them or hip bumping in the hallway?
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write a private message to someone of the opposite sex, whom you happen to work with, on Facebook, Twitter, etc., without your spouse’s knowledge
- If you answered 2 in the affirmative, you maybe a little misguided or just a big flirt, be careful!
- If you answered between 3 to 4 questions in the affirmative you’re in serious danger or on the boderline of having an emotional affair, and need to reconsider your boundaries before something more serious happens.
- If you answered 5 or more questions in the affirmative, then you are having an emotional affair at work, and need to reassess your behavior; seek counseling or speak with a mentor.
What boundaries can you design (personally or in policy form) to curtail an emotional affair in your workplace? Does your workplace have a code of ethicis in place addressing this type of behavior?
Footnotes:
[i] Could you be having an emotional affair? By Gail Saltz, May 21st, 2009.
[ii] Emotional Cheating Signs – Could These Be Signs Of An Affair? Monday, February 21st, 2011.
A Football Player’s Metamorphosis
My son was an outstanding football player who played first-string positions in offense, defense and special teams during two of his High School prep football seasons. He played so often that he rarely got a break on the sidelines to catch a breath of fresh air. The joke around our house posed in question form was, “Man, are they ever going to allow you a breather between plays?”
His genesis in football, however, was dismal at best and I wondered if he would ever play the game well, until one day he had a metamorphosis of his own. Prior to his high school years he played in the Nevada Youth Football League. He had never played the game before but wanted to passionately play. He had one small problem; he was timid when it came to tackling others, which is a major part of playing the game. Whenever he would tackle a player he would grab on and wait for some of his teammates to join in on the tackle. It was obvious he was fearful of hurting someone or being hurt himself. This was a personal constraint line he imposed on himself, perhaps for his lack of experience playing in an actual game. In my best estimation, the line of resistance in his life was fear due to a lack of knowledge and experience.
One day there was an option play that took the running back around the side and down the sidelines. My son was playing the defensive end position and followed the play well. He ran toward the sidelines and gained so much momentum running that he just happened to meet the running back on the sideline at the right angle, at the right time with the right amount of speed and force. He had no other option but to plow him over by his shear momentum. It was a great site for any father to witness, as both of them went crashing down, kicking up dirt and grass as they tumbled upon the ground. As soon as he got off the ground I knew something had happened to him on the inside; there was a monumental change in his stride as he strutted back to the huddle. I discerned his fear had lifted as he had gained a new level of confidence as a gridiron man. He had crossed over the line of demarcation; from operating in fear to playing the game with confidence. When he got back into the huddle, his team members celebrated with him as they smacked his helmet with their hands, a sign of acceptance into an elite fraternity of gridiron men. I also noticed, in the plays that followed, he was not intimidated anymore. For him tackling was not a bad thing after all. He had tasted the experience of a tackle and liked it; therefore, crossing his personal line of demarcation, thus, distinguishing himself from his fear of tackling others by himself. My son had broken through fear, and went on to have many more successful prep football seasons as an all around, first string player.
How have you broken through the line of fear in your life?
Raising Healthy Kids: Tell Them “Who” They Are Before Someone Else Does
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. -Proverbs 22:6 NIV
My wife and I were privileged to raise three wonderful children; two daughters and a son. As a matter of fact, when I look back at those formative years, I simply sum them up as my “Golden Years” of parenting. My wife and I created wonderful memories, and had a great time interacting with them through all vital phases of their development. One of the things I am very proud of as a father was being able to reveal my kids identity before anyone else injected a false identity upon them. What I mean is, my wife and I were able to discern their gifts, talents and passions early on in life, and parented them with their own personal flow in mind. What I mean is, instead of injecting our own personal ambitions upon them, which wasn’t easy since I wanted my son to play baseball (Baseball was not a “fit” for him but football sure made up for it), we took note of what was threaded within each one, and went with what they had.
My younger daughter’s gifts were extremely evident early on. By these giftings I understood her better; who she was becoming, and where she was going in life. Here’s a good example on how much I knew her, and the gifts she possessed within herself. One day my daughter while studying at a Southern California university called me and said, “Daddy, I took a strengths based test and….” Before she could get another word out… I gently cut in, “Is it Gallup’s StrengthsFinder test?” She exclaimed, “How did you know?” I told her, “I once taught the subject in one of my leadership classes, so I’m very familiar with the assessement.” In my leadership class, I had my students take an online test. We then spent a few weeks analyzing Gallup’s 34 Strengths Themes (A well researched and refined list of innate gifts).” I then took a leap of faith and made the following request, “I bet I can guess your top five gifts.” She said, “No way!” Over the phone, one by one, I named all five of her gifts. Astonished, she asked, “Oh my God, how did you know?” I quickly responded, “You’re my daughter. I’ve seen you grow up in my house for the past 20 years. Of course I know what’s in you.” She was beside herself!
Gallup’s Strengths Themes assessment revealed her top five gifts, which are strongly oriented toward the “people” realm. She uses them quite effectively. Here’s her sample:
1. Positivity – This person has an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
2. Activator – They can make things happen by turning thoughts into action.
3. WOO (Winning Others Over) – They love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction by “breaking the ice” and making a connection.
4. Communication – This person finds it easy to put their thoughts into words; good conversationalists and presenters.
5. Empathy – They can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in their lives or situation.
Innate gifts are those unique qualities attributed to one person, which are threaded within each person while he or she were being formed in their mother’s womb. My daughter is gifted with natural people, communication and leadership gifts. When she was a child I would often tell her, “You’re going to be the first female, Hispanic President of the United States.” I said this to denote her natural ability with people. Why? She was very popular as a child and in High School; so popular that she was elected to student government all four years. In her senior year, she was elected Student Body President of a large High School, and left an indelible imprint upon her advisor and the school. As a matter of fact a few years after her departure from High School, I visited her school to present a community project I was working on. I happend to land in the principal’s office (funny how things are cyclical), which happened to be her student government advisor at that time. As we reminisced of my daughter’s days as Student Body President, I noticed her student body group picture on his wall. After making a reference to the picture the principal voiced his heart-felt sincerity stating, “They were the best student council group I was privileged to oversee. I miss that group.”
Do you want to build confidence in your child? If so, tell them “who they are” before someone else does.
What gifts are you discerning in your kids? Once you understand their cluster of “gifts and talents”, how are you grooming them for success?
Scroll down to post your thoughts….
The Top 12 Virtues for #Latino Teens
“We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have [virtue] because we have acted rightly.”–Aristotle
Virtue is one of those words you and I don’t hear very often in the mainstream vocabulary. Virtue is basically conforming one’s life and conduct to moral or ethical principles. Moreover, virtue means moral excellence, uprightness and goodness.[1] Virtuous people are known for their conduct, character, and life of integrity. A virtuous person seeks after the highest moral qualities to live his or her life by. This is also true about “history makers.” Would you like to be a world changer? If so, what does it take to make a big impact in this world? The first step is to acquire virtue.
The Primary Virtue: Love
Overlooking the faults of others and building influence
“When love is our highest priority we foster respect in our relationships and honoring becomes a way of life.”
Cathy D. Polyak, 2ndGrade Teacher – Las Vegas, Nevada
Virtue #2: Honesty
The ultimate character test
“Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.”
Thomas Jefferson, Author of the Declaration of Independence,
American Founding Father, and the 3rdPresident of the United States
3rd Virtue: Purity
Staying “green” in a polluted world
“Our culture desires intimacy without responsibility and pleasure without commitment.”
Kris Vallotton, Author of the book Purity
The 4th Virtue: Discipline
Staying on task – while achieving your goals
“Self-discipline is that which truly and essentially raises one man above another.”
Joseph Addison (1672–1719) Politician and Magazine Founder
The 5th Virtue: Money Management
Mastering money so it doesn’t master you
“Wealth may be an excellent thing, for it means power, and it means leisure, it means liberty.”
James Russell Lowell (1819 -1891) – American Poet, Editor and Diplomat
The 6th Virtue: Generosity
The sign of a satisfied heart
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”
Winston Churchill (1874-1965) Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Virtue #7: Courage
Standing strong in the midst of fear and doubt
“Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.”
George S. Patton – Four Star General, World War II
The 8th Virtue: Perseverance
Refusing to quit – Expecting to win
“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”
Charles H. Spurgeon, famous 19thCentury Baptist Preacher
Virtue # 9: Introspection
Finding self through silence and solitude
“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.”
Lorraine Hansberry (1930-1965) – Author, A Raisin in the Sun
The 10th Virtue: Wisdom
Navigating successfully through life and social situations
“Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom.”
King Solomon – The Wisest Man of All Time
The 11th Virtue: Foresight
Perceiving and interpreting the immediate future for sound decision-making
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
Yogi Berra – Played for the New York Yankees & Hall of Fame Baseball Player
The 12th Virtue: Magnanimity
The King of all virtues: self-mastery
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948) – Leader of Freedom
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Is there another virtue you wish to add and elaborate on?
[1] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/virtue, accessed October 28, 2009.
A Father’s Scrapbook of Precious Moments
Oh boy, where do I begin? What a blessing it has been to raise two wonderful daughters! The flip side is, a father must come to 
grips one day when he will have to release them into the hands of another man. If I was making the rules, I’d keep them the way they are but that’s not what the Designer intended. Therefore, I must suspend my desires for their destiny.
On October of 2007 I was fortunate to walk my firstborn daughter down the wedded aisle. At the age of twenty-two Ashley married a wonderful young man. I remember a few weeks prior to the event, friends would ask me – how’s the father of the bride (FOB) doing? I would simply hide my emotions, and respond, “I’m doing fine.” I was, however, an emotional mess as tears would suddenly emerge at the most random times. In one instance, three days before the grand event my younger daughter came into town, taking a short reprieve from college, to play a key part in her sister’s bridal party. During a memorable evening with the family my two daughters’ joined in a spontaneous dance in the middle of the living room; tears immediately streamed down my cheeks, as I reflected upon what seemed to be such a short time ago, as children, they danced and played in the same place. Letting go is not easy but it’s part of life’s transitions.
As soon as I got over this one, another fine young man entered the picture. He dated my youngest daughter for awhile. In June 2010, he took me out to breakfast and asked for my daughter’s hand in marriage. In August 2010, he took her to the top of the Grand Canyon to propose to her. The photographer he secretly invited took an amazing picture in real time. It was certainly a “Kodak” moment.
Now, as my younger daughter’s wedding day approaches this Saturday, March 12th 2011, I have been experiencing a broad range of mixed emotions once again, from grief to great joy. There is something that goes through a father’s mind and soul, as he prepares to give the most precious thing in his life away to another man. I don’t know about other fathers, for me it has been an emotional rollercoaster in both cases. In this second go around, I begin to cry while watching a movie where two people are falling in love or when random thoughts enter my mind about the wedding day. I can’t help it, I’m like a leaky water faucet and require an “emotional plumber” to fix the constant dripping.
Having daughters equates to having weddings, and shedding many tears alone just before the “father-daughter walk” down the aisle. If only a father had someone to talk to… somewhere to vent. Life isn’t fair or is it? Don’t misinterpret me! A father shares in his daughter’s joy but his experience is much different. It’s probably the process of release and change that is difficult to grasp, even if it’s good change.
As I prepare myself for my second and last walk down the aisle, I can’t help but to embrace a proud moment and a new son; to create a wonderful memory with my daughter, and enjoy a unique gift to fathers from the Creator’s hand.
The aftermath (written Tuesday, March 15th, 3 days after the grand event):
Well, the day has come and gone but not my tears… All I can say is that I’m blessed beyond measure. My wife and I have been given the privilege of raising and preparing two wonderful daughters for life and marriage. I’m so glad they choose to marry men instead of boys; godly men who will love them, take care of them and treat them as I did or even better. I’m so proud of them. In the meantime, I will continue praying for their success and happiness.
As a father, can you share your experience with our reading audience?
Raising Healthy Kids: Discipline Your Kids Before Someone Else Does
It’s not easy being a parent since parenting often times summons a mom or dad to do the hard things like disciplining those they love the most. Allow me an example, I remember telling a young man one day, “If you don’t appreciate and accept discipline for your life, others will discipline your life for you.” By “others” I meant law enforcement officials. Sure enough this young man got into some trouble with the law and was taken to the local detention center. He learned his lesson (or discipline) the hard way.
Discipline is a form of instruction that teaches and trains a child to think about their choices before taking action, thus, shaping moral conscience and character. Discipline is a word denoting “instruction given to a disciple” (a student, learner or pupil), and discipline helps a young person learn the right things before making the mistakes he or she will later regret. Much later on discipline evolved to mean the “treatment that corrects or punishes.”[1]
If a child does not learn to live the right way up front – he or she will end up learning life the hard way on the back end. As a parent you may want to avoid the grief later on. Discipline is necessary because it balances a child’s life by teaching them the importance of thought, choice, action and outcomes.
The Spectrum of Healthy Discipline:
a. Instruction – Teaching moral values and reinforcing them by being “living” examples of these values in your home.
b. Correction – A mild reminder of what has been learned. Example: “Johnny, remember what we talked about.”
c. Reprimand – A stern form of verbal correction with a strong warning only after many reminders of what was previously learned. Example: “Johnny, your behavior is unacceptable…”
d. Corporal Punishment– Slight physical pain administered appropriately with the final objective of shifting a child’s thinking and evenutally repeated, and unwanted behavior.
The wisdom of King Solomon is evident in Proverbs 13:24;
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
King Solomon was certainly not an advocate of permissive parenting. Corporal punishment is not an easy subject to deal with; it polarizes many people. If you examine the passage above the emphasis is on “love” and “careful”. The word “careful” in the Hebrew culture means to “seek a way in or break in”, which strongly suggests “to break into” unhealthy thinking and reasoning sensors, which control impulsive choices and actions. Spanking sets limits of unwanted behavior in the child’s mind, eventually shaping character, setting appropriate boundaries and right conduct.
Parents, if you don’t take the time to discipline your child(ren) starting with “instruction” (educating values, etc.), then one day you may find others like law enforcement officials and the courts disciplining your child for you. Many prisons are filled with men and women who were not properly disciplined by their parents; many of them came from broken and severely dysfunctional homes. My advice to young parents is discipline your kids before someone else does.
What’s your opinion of the Spectrum of Discipline?
[1] Online Etymology Dictionary. Discipline:
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=discipline&searchmode=term, accessed December 1, 2009.
Friday Night Lights: A Father-Son Story
The abandoned boy’s eyes darted to and fro in a frantic search for his father. “Dad!” he called out. No answer. “Have you seen my dad?” he asked the man standing next to him who could only shake his head no. The panic-stricken boy looked into the sea of faces in front of him…not there. He scanned the parking lot behind him…no sign of dad. “Where is he? What am I going to do? Who will stand by me?” he thought to himself. Then, out of nowhere… “I’m here for you,” he heard the stranger say. “If your dad doesn’t show up, you can count on me.”
Joel Garcia remembers it like it was yesterday. The same feelings that race through the heart of a little boy lost in a shopping center raged through the 17-year-old football player’s heart and mind—panic, confusion, fear. For years he had looked forward to this night on the football field at Yuba City High School in Northern California. Every fall the senior players would take to the turf at halftime with their proud dads for the father/son recognition ceremony. Joel, a hopeful teen who desperately wanted his father’s approval, considered it a rite of passage. His dad was a hard-working man who provided for his family, making sure that their physical needs 
were met. But, when it came to offering emotional and spiritual support and guidance, Joel’s dad was a “no-show.” The teen ached for his father’s affection and was certain that finally, in this moment, he would win it. This would be the night when his dad would publicly proclaim his love and support for his son. Sadly, and unbeknownst to Joel, his father made other plans and went out drinking with his buddies instead. Joel was left to fend for himself on the field.
“At the last minute, this guy who I had never really met said he would stand in for my dad,” remembers Joel. “The announcer called my name and my dad’s name and this stranger put his arm around me and walked me out onto the field. When my father abandoned me, that man stood in the gap. I will never forget it.” It was a defining moment for the teen when abandonment and rescue intersected in the deepest channels of his heart.
He would find himself in the middle of that intersection time and again in the coming years. The first was in college when he realized that he was lost in the world without God, and he accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. The abandonment wound deep within Joel’s heart began to heal as he learned that he had a Father in Heaven who loved him and would never leave or forsake him.
The second time came years later when, watching his own son take to the football field, the pain caused by his own father surged through his heart again. “God forgave me and freed me from my sin; yet I was still bound by my hatred for my father,” recalls Joel. He wrote to his dad, asking for forgiveness and offering his own. Once again, deep within that wound of abandonment, Joel experienced healing. “I’m not angry at my dad anymore. And, now I have a burden to reach fathers and sons,” says Joel who is passionate about encouraging dads to be more than providers in their families. “My story shows that you can be there and not be there as a dad. Kids can have a father in the home and still suffer from abandonment. They need to know that dad will not only put food on the table for them, but will love them and be there for them emotionally and spiritually.”
Joel recently shared that advice with his daughter and son-in-law who are expecting their first child—Joel’s first grandchild—later this year. His eyes fill with tears as he considers the wounds of the past and looks forward to the future. “I’m hoping the next generation can look back and say ‘We had a grandfather who changed the pattern of our family’s life. We are a healthy family because my grandfather and grandmother invested in us.’”
Today, Joel is passionately serving the Latino community of Las Vegas, coming alongside teenagers—many of whom have been left behind by society, the educational system, and their families—to help them build a more hopeful future. Joel and his wife of 25 years, Robyn, have three grown children and are looking forward to helping raise the next generation of their family. They are also strong supporters of Fathers in the Field. “I deeply felt the impact of a man standing in the gap for my absent father and it made all the difference to me,” said Joel. “I know that when a Mentor Father does that for a fatherless boy, eternity opens up for him.”
A Healing Journey by Fathers in the Field; 3.31.10. Link: http://www.fathersinthefield.com/news-events.php?id=42, Accessed 1.10.11.
The Fatherless Epidemic
Challenges
What is fatherlessness anyway? Fatherlessness is simply the absence of a father’s influence in the lives of their children. Fatherlessness ranges from mere absenteeism, neglect or ineptness to parent effectively. For example, it has been discovered that when a father leads the way spiritually that 93% of family members are likely to follow him, as opposed to only 17% of family members when a mother attempts to take the same spiritual role. This is a significant finding and confirms the role, authority and influence a father possesses over his family. Fathers in the Field, an organization dedicated to mentoring fatherless boys claims:
Some 24 million boys are growing up fatherless in America – Nearly a third of all American children are born to unmarried parents; the numbers are even higher among poor, minority populations – 40% among Hispanics, and 70% among African-Americans.”
As you can see fatherlessness is rapidly rising among Hispanics, and consuming the African-American community. Unless we get serious about this cultural epidemic, fatherlessness will continue to disrupt the family and devastate communities, perhaps even bring our culture to its demise. Dr. Leonard Sax, author of Boys Adrift notes:
Enduring cultures have strong bonds across the generations. In contemporary American culture, we’re seeing those bonds dissolve rapidly, in the span of a single lifetime.”
Dr. Sax is referring to the generational bonds between grandfathers, fathers and sons. This trend of generational disconnect in our society is showing significant signs of cultural decline. The following statistics from Fathers in the Field website should alarm you:
1. Fatherless children commit 72% of adolescent murders.
2. 70% of juveniles in reform institutions are fatherless.
3. 67% of state prison inmates come from fatherless homes.
4. 60% of rapists come from fatherless homes.
5. 30% more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.
6. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
7. And, 11 times more likely to exhibit violent behavior at school.
It is for these reasons and other unseen factors that we should pay more attention to the fatherlessness issue in our society, but just how do we begin to address this epidemic? Dr. Sax provides the following insight:
To become a man, a boy must see a man. But that man doesn’t have to be his father. In fact, ideally, it shouldn’t be only his father. Even if your son has a strong father or father figure in his life, he also needs a community of men who together can provide him with the varied models of what productive adult men do.”
