Dealing with the Empty Nest Syndrome


If you are a parent going through the “empty nest” syndrome I may have some relief tips to offer you, maybe not! I am not good at hiding what I am going through. For instance, my first daughter was married in the fall 2007, and after her departure I felt such a void around the house. I felt someone very dear to me all the sudden disappear; life for me was changing. Within time I was able to cope and move on. For the record I’m thrilled to know she is in good hands with my son-in-law. Then, as I adjusted from this first departure, another young man fell in love with my second daughter, and vice-a-versa. On June 12th 2010, this young man came into town and we went out to breakfast. After some congenial exchanges he asked me permission for my daughter’s hand in marriage. I was elated, honored, and after some brief questioning (or torture) I said, “Yes!” However, that same day she was scheduled to depart to Phoenix for a summer job. I couldn’t help but be an emotional water faucet all day long, taking a few trips to my home office upstairs, closing the door to weep. I felt empty inside knowing I had given her up “twice” in the same day.

In social conversations with my friends I couldn’t help but struggle with bouts of emotions going from joy to sadness, and everything in between. I couldn’t control myself. During these conversations her name or the excitement of her engagement would come up and the tears would begin streaming down my cheeks. Two months later the day came when she was engaged, indeed a day of rejoicing. Happy emotions were evident all day long but I couldn’t avoid the grief I felt inside knowing she was entering into another phase of release. She came to visit the weekend after her engagement but the time flew by and she was gone again, only to find an empty room, and a void in my heart.

A few days later I took my other daughter out to lunch, and the tears began to flow once again. She asked what was wrong with me. I responded by saying, “It’s not easy releasing my kids”, referring to her departure as well.

What are some tips to help parents make the adjustment from a house filled with the life of your loved ones to the empty nest?

First, let me say it is not easy to release your kids. Emotions are part of life, when you love others you can’t help but to express them openly. The empty nest syndrome is part of life’s transitions. The reason of my emotional roller coaster ride is that I thoroughly enjoyed my kids at every stage of their lives, but life is different now. I know I will overcome and move on but until then let me be a dad.

Errores del Liderazgo: 2 Metidas de Pata que Comete el Líder


Los líderes son responsables de muchas cosas; logros, organización de la visión, comunicación personal y corporativa, planificación estratégica, presupuesto, capacitación, supervisión, ejecución del plan, y los resultados del plan. Estas son funciones básicas en la que todos los líderes pueden identificarse. Pero hay un ingrediente que hace falta en la lista. ¿Cuál será? Es la manera de tratar a los líderes y de cómo relacionarse como miembros del equipo, Un indicador clave es la habilidad de dirigir con eficacia. Esta es la razón por la cual la mayoría de la gente en posiciones de liderazgo no son líderes, algunos están más centrados en las tareas, pero limitados en habilidades hacia el trato con la gente. Algunos en posiciones de liderazgo lideran por razones egoístas solo para lograr un objetivo personal o para progresar. Luego están los líderes que no saben cómo liderar porque nunca han sido entrenados adecuadamente. El liderazgo no es tan complicado, es simplemente ser una persona auténtica, que se conecta bien con los demás a nivel personal, entonces los seguidores aprovechan los talentos, habilidades y energía para lograr las metas organizacionales.

Actualmente, las organizaciones tienen una necesidad desesperada de buenos líderes que las relaciones sean sus prioridad. Hay momentos en que los  líderes están tan ocupados en la rutina diaria de horarios de trabajo que no logran crear un valor relacional con sus seguidores. El resultado del declive de las relaciones incluso el desaparecimiento total en algunos casos es porque la misión es más importante que el desarrollar una comunidad. Los líderes no pueden permitir que las relaciones sufran, sino que deben aprender a ser intencional y diligentes para trabajar en sus habilidades con gente continuamente. Este artículo aborda dos importantes metidas de pata que hacen los líderes. En los treinta años de mi experiencia laboral he visto personalmente errores que los líderes cometen en muchas áreas pero hay dos que me llaman más  la atención. Como líderes no traten de cometer el error de ser…

Largos en Visión, Cortos en Relaciones

Un líder que tiene mucho de visión, pero carece de las habilidades o el tiempo para construir relaciones sólidas eventualmente viven solos en el futuro. Los líderes necesitan tener una visión de donde se está tomando un proyecto o una organización, esto es verdad, pero también necesitan relaciones para llevar la visión a un buen término. Los lideres que son “duros” con la gente no toman tiempo para valorar y construir relaciones significantes, que darán poder a la visión a largo plazo, por otro lado la visión puede sufrir una dosis de malnutrición debido a la correlación necesaria para construir y mantener el momento se ha alentado y en algunos casos inexistente. No es bueno tirar a cabo una idea tras otra sin tener que construir relaciones significativas, ni es prudente apurar a la gente a hacer las cosas rápida y olvidar lo que es realmente importante; relación.

Negligencia: Recopiladores de Amor – Esparcidos los Ignorados.

Un Segundo error es cuando los líderes se quedan cortos en amar a sus seguidores de manera incondicional. Cuando esto sucede la gente no está comprometida y se “esparcen”. Lideres sus empleados dejaran tu organización y encontraran un lugar donde los cultiven, se desarrollen, sean apreciados y donde el líder celebre con ellos. La gente tolerara hasta un punto pero especialmente cuando la relación nunca a pareció avanzar a lugares más profundos.

No hay nada peor que un empleado abandonado que lleva la carga del trabajo todos los días, pero es relacionalmente esta apartado o despojado. Usted no puede descuidar los miembros de su equipo por mucho tiempo. En el libro The Way of the Shepherd los autoresDr. Kevin Leman and William Pentak ofrecen este consejo:

“Usted tiene realmente preocuparse por su gente.Usted puede ir correctamente a través de toda la mecánica, pero si realmente no se preocupan por las personas que dependen de usted, usted nunca será el tipo de líder que van a dejar todo por seguirlo.Si ellos son más que ovejas apacentadas por usted, nunca van a hacer su mejor trabajo para y por  usted y no se quedaran en el redil por mucho tiempo. “

Como líder, tiene que tomar tiempo para su pueblo, y tratar a veces con sus problemas si usted va a ser respetado y seguido. El amor es la tónica de toda relación que sana y restaura, al mismo tiempo, posee la potencia capaz de aumentar la capacidad relacional. La negligencia, por el contrario, hace que las relaciones sean sin apoyo. Con el tiempo la gente se verán en otro lugar por un líder que los guiará con amor.

Que puedes hacer como líder para evitar los dos errores mencionados en este blog?

Default Leadership: 3 Reasons Why Leaders Stop Growing


Personal and leadership growth go hand and hand, when you grow as a person it impacts the way you think and behave as a leader. The opposite is also true; when a person stops growing he or she conforms to familiar patterns, which become all too commonplace, predictable and sadly obsolete over time. Eventually, an emerging learning leader will pass you by because he or she is intent on acquiring new knowledge, which enhances their station as a leader in the eyes of others.

I recently spoke to group of High School students, and in the spur of the moment I took out my 3G iPhone to make a point about the need to reinvent our leadership style. As I held up my iPhone in my hand I asked the proverbial question, what is this? Most students raised their hands to answer my question, while others simply shouted out the answer – “It’s an iPhone!” I responded in the affirmative but added a crucial fact, “It’s just not any iPhone, it is the 3G model; the third generation of iPhones.” I continued making my point by asking a follow up question: “Why do iPhones go through a generational makeover?” Silence gripped the students. After a brief moment I answered my own question, “Because people get bored with the old ones.” The students then understood my point about the need to reinvent one’s leadership ability by assessing, creating change and transforming thinking and behavior on a continual basis. It is strategically advantageous to consider a leadership makeover from time to time, because your followers will eventually get bored with the old “leader.”


Leaders stop growing for many reasons. Some feel they “have arrived” to the place of their dreams, and simply have no need for further growth, while others stop growing because the effort to change is not worth their time and energy. And some leaders mistakenly feel they can create their own change apart from others.

After some dialogue with peers and professionals in the marketplace, I gathered some of their insights for this article. I then summarized my findings into three categories. Leaders stop growing for these reasons:

1. Success blinds them
Leaders at the top often deceive themselves by believing their own press; simply put, they have reached a level very few people ever achieve in the corporate or professional world, so what more is there to learn? Hence, they fall prey to the belief that there is no more professional growth required at this level. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Growth is required throughout life at all levels, especially when a person occupies positions at the highest levels of the corporate world. The sage advice from Pastor Rick Warren, one of the top leaders in the faith-based community reveals, “Leaders are learners. The moment they stop learning they stop leading.” Learning from others, mainly from subordinates, requires a level of humility greater than most leaders are willing to admit. In other words, success blinds those who seem to achieve top dog status. Leaders, at this level, must understand that success is not singular in form but rather manifests itself in the plural form. So what got them to the top may not necessarily be their own competencies but the willingness and effort of those around them to make him or her look good. Leaders must understaing that the best learning happens in community, not alone.

2. Pride gets in the way
Tim Erwin, author of the best seller Derailed notes, “The most foundational and most self-destructive” failure of one’s character “is arrogance.” This is the primary reason most leaders at the top stop asking for help. Why is this so? Some leaders are simply afraid to ask for help for fear of being stigmatized as being inadequate in their role. This couldn’t be further from the truth. According to Debbie Zois, co-owner and partner of Keller Williams Las Vegas Realty, “Asking for help is not showing signs of inadequacy – it’s smart! If you ask, you will simply get there quicker. If you don’t ask, you will never know what you missed. Sounds to me like you need to figure out your BIG Why! That will push you through a whole lot of things!” So what’s the solution? First, a leader must swallow a mouthful of hubris by understanding they play a minor role in comparison to the whole system. In other words, there are many more factors contributing to organizational performance. Once the leader embraces this view, he or she can see that learning begins by eliminating pride and seeing things from different perspectives.

3. They fear feedback
Some leaders are afraid of what others may find out about them so they avoid the facts about their leadership competencies all-together. According to Bill George, author of the book True North, leaders “reject the honest critic who holds a mirror to their face and speaks the truth. Instead, they surround themselves with supporters telling them what they want to hear. Over time, they lose capacity for honest dialogue, and people learn not to confront them.” The facts are the facts, if leaders are to genuinely reinvent themselves, he or she cannot avoid the facts.

Annual assessments are crucial for measuring effectiveness, especially the measuring device known as the 360 Degree Feedback Evaluation. The number “360” is an obvious term meaning a “full circle” where the leader or executive is measured from all angles; the top (supervisor or board members), on the side are colleagues (others of the same rank and stature), and underneath are direct reports (those who report to the leader), and perhaps other people known or unknown by the leader. The qualifying feature of this feedback technique is the leader-executive does not know “who” is involved in their evaluation; they simply receive anonymous feedback, which makes the data more transparent. Without a 360 Degree Feedback a leader cannot truly know what others think about their ability to lead effectively, and the areas requiring a tune up. Therefore, an “openness to feedback reflects our interest in being a learning, growing person.”

If you play a key leadership role in your workplace or have the need to go to the next level, then you are a candidate for a leadership makeover. I would also venture to say, if you are a leader and feel that you are at the top of your game, you will need to take a pulse of your leadership style more often. Leaders cannot afford to stay at the same place for very long. Reinvention is a process of constantly evaluating self in the midst of an internal and external changing environment, and making the proper corrections to change thinking, attitude and behavior. As soon as you stop growing as a leader you start diminishing in leadership effectiveness. Do not allow your development as a leader to be arrested at the top of your game; others are depending upon you.

Who provides feedback to you on a regular basis? Is coaching an option for your development as a leader?